Unmet Expectations......2

We started the relationship and we talked a lot but I didn’t raise the issue of settling down with him because I assumed it was a done deal. He often referred to his siblings abroad and how they were trying to get his mum there too. He schooled in the UK and came to Nigeria to serve and to have some practical experience of the work terrain. All this strengthen my faith in that we definitely were on the right course. Our courtship was fast, we got married, I forgave his siblings for not being able to make it because I felt we would be meeting up with them soon, so there was no hurry. Weeks rolled into months and it was our 1st wedding anniversary. My husband said he had a surprise for me and all my mind could go think was ‘YES LORD, it was about time’. I went through the day’s work with high expectations, even humming while working with a smile on my face. Finally, my dream was coming true and through. I had started thinking of what to wear for our dinner date later in the night and had gisted my closest colleague about it. I had grown tired of my Job already and was just waiting for the right moment to tender my resignation, this was it! I drafted my resignation letter and made up my mind to drop it at the end of the month so I could get my full salary and give advanced notice.

I closed early from work, went home to take a shower and relax a bit before hubby got home. He came in about 30mins after me, showered and we went out. I was nervous throughout the meal but I calmed down enough to enjoy the meal. I found out what the surprise was in the course of the meal and my heart sank. He had been offered permanent employment with full fringe benefits at an international medical practicing organization. To say the least, I was very happy for him but what about my dreams of going out of the country and furthering my career as well? So I put it to him straight and asked how this news was going to affect our plans to settle abroad and I got the shocker of my life. He looked at me and told me he had never discussed or had plans of settling outside the country. From that moment, I lost my peace. Confusion set in immediately.

I struggled to calm down through the dinner till we left. I couldn’t sleep much that night; I went to the bathroom and cried my heart out while he slept. I started asking myself truthful but painful questions… Where did I get it wrong? Did I truly read the signs? Did we truly never talk about settling down abroad? Did I just assume it in my mind? So many questions struggling for answers. Who could I talk to at this time of the night? I cried myself to sleep on the toilet seat and only woke up to a tap on my shoulder.  Angrily, I stood up snapping at him venting all my anger and frustration on him. A part of me felt sorry as I could read the confusion on his face at first, he tried to calm me down saying he never knew I had all these in mind.

To cut the story short, that day marked the beginning of another kind of emotion for me, I was totally disconnected in my marriage. Several times, I tried to re-evaluate the situation and as much as I blame myself for not laying the cards on the table before getting into the marriage, I had a feeling he knew my thoughts and purposely led me on. Ariise tried all he could to get me back to the ‘lively lady he used to know’ but a part of me was just dead to him as my expectations were going down the drain right before my very eyes. To make matters worse, he lost his job which I had hoped could be a source. I lost a lot of weight thinking and contemplated leaving the marriage, when a good concerned friend of mine invited me for a time out for the married organized by a couple after hearing my story and praying with me. I went alone at first, the lady taking the session spoke directly on unmet expectations and shared her story with the house. I felt exhilirated. This is where you belong, my heart told me.

The next date, I took Ariise with me after several persuasion, he went with me eventually because he hasn’t seen anything that has made me excited in a long while. After the session, I could see a spark in his eyes, he had caught the fire too. I decided there and then that it wasn’t the end of the world if my expectations were not met. Why did I ever figure that I/we couldn’t work towards it being met? Why did I let out so easily? When we got home, I knelt down and poured my heart out to Ariise, I pleaded for him to let me into his heart again, I apologized for my wrongs and asked that we start all over again. It was hard but with all we heard I was ready to give it another shot. We were 4 years into the marriage, but that day we took our oaths again together before God alone in our bedroom, asking him to give us the strength to move ahead loving each other no matter what, forgetting the past. No magic happen of course, but we were excited each day and kept hoping for the best. We never missed the monthly married meetings, it was so helpful meeting different couples who were sincere enough to share what they were going through too and pray together as a family, no restrictions.

About 7 months after, Ariise got another Job offer from another multinational company to be one of their medical directors in the UK. It felt like a dream when he told me, he was to resume in a week’s time. We danced and thanked God all night and there we got peace for him to travel. Presently, he has been there for 2months and my VISA is almost completed to go and meet him too, exactly on our 5^th anniversary date.  

Why did I decide to share this?

·         First, to be a blessing to someone in a similar situation

·         I learnt from the monthly meetings that whatever I go through is a phase I must master because my testimony is someone else’ encouragement that truly Impossible is nothing.

·         Marriage shouldn’t be rushed into without each party being plain about what their expectations are in the upcoming union

·         Quit wallowing in your problems, be a solution provider instead for therein lies your own solution

·         Determine to make your marriage work no matter the pressures

·         Always surround yourself with couples that can influence your marriage positive, not those who would be more than glad to break it apart.

Thank you Yetunde, for letting me be a blessing to others.