Drive Gently!

It's been a loooooooong while I wrote on my marriage blog, but I got inspired to start off again, especially since my spiritual father declared that this month of August is a month that spouses are better together.

This month, I will be talking on how related Marriage and Driving are, putting spotlight on different aspects of driving. The most essential part of driving is the Driver! The mood of a driver determines the outcome of his driving. Have you ever encountered fury drivers? Most times, the outcome is from the fact that they couldn’t get a control on their emotions. As a driver, it is important to know that a good mood and positive perception, sets the tone for your journey.

As a driver, you can’t afford mood swings while driving; this can be very disastrous to the safety of other passengers in the vehicle. Many people have entered into relationships and marriages with a wrong perception and this leads to an undesired end – Divorce, Separation. I remember several times I’ve had to caution my spouse’s driving whenever he is angry. He drives like someone going on a revenge mission...lolzzz! I sometimes shudder to wonder what could someday happen, if I am not there by his side to caution him (although, it’s always dicey when I’m the cause of the anger), which leads me to the next point.

Married or Not, Say with Me.....Men

Many men have refused to settle down partly because they are scared of spending the rest of their lives with someone they may wake up to dislike someday...Truth is, even with those married, there are times you contend with your reasons for choosing the woman you are with. Some win, some don't and that is where infidelity starts.
As champions, it is important to know that you will get not only what you say, but what you believe. So please, either married or not, Say with me...


My wife, my covering
My wife covers me better than anyone
My wife is endowed with strength to support me in fortifying our home
She is a virtuous woman, kind, loving, caring and daring
My wife is a risk taker in things that are beneficial and important to our family
My wife is a strong pillar of help, she builds and not destroys
My wife is my adviser, she has wisdom to resolve issues and put me in perspective
She puts her family first after God and guides us jealously
She bears godly children and teaches them in accordance with God's principles
She is the life of our home, she exudes joy, peace and favor.
She is a gentle lover, other men call me blessed that I found her
She is a good thing and my reward, therefore she does not cause me sorrow or worry
She is a passionate giver and sower of good and godly seeds
She gives me rest of mind, she is not a trouble maker She inspires me to be the best
She believes in me like no other
She prays for me and the children with zeal and zest
 

Married or Not, Say with ME....Women

Dear Ladies,

If you desire a better husband in your man, then you have to confess it into existence. Words don't die, they are life and have power. Remember God brought the Earth into existence by Words, so speak it and it will come to pass. Consistency is the KEY...you can add more of yours too!!!


My husband is my friend, my very best friend
He is my head, and my head he will be always
His place is with kings and not mere men because he is crowned by diligence
He is the talk of all nations because he is a solution provider
My husband is endowed with wisdom from God to manage our home and other affairs
He shields and protect our family from dangers by his prayers and confessions
He lavishes his love on me and the family, he doesn't neglect our needs
He works hard and smart to provide for us and ensures we don't lack any good thing
My husband is influential and controls great wealth and resources
He is coordinated and knows what to do at all times, always on point
My husband's resourcefulness has no equal, he is helpful and mindful of us
His words are of encouragement and not disdain.
He is an uplifter, no dull moments with him
My husband is the best father a child can ask for, always sensitive to their needs
He motivates them in godly paths and sows seeds on their behalf
My husband is a good teacher, patiently teaching us what God expects of us as a family
My husband is a God lover, he draws us closer to God and not away from him
My husband brings out the best in Me, guiding me to be the woman God wants me to be, as I walk in the line of my assignment

Unmet Expectations......2

We started the relationship and we talked a lot but I didn’t raise the issue of settling down with him because I assumed it was a done deal. He often referred to his siblings abroad and how they were trying to get his mum there too. He schooled in the UK and came to Nigeria to serve and to have some practical experience of the work terrain. All this strengthen my faith in that we definitely were on the right course. Our courtship was fast, we got married, I forgave his siblings for not being able to make it because I felt we would be meeting up with them soon, so there was no hurry. Weeks rolled into months and it was our 1st wedding anniversary. My husband said he had a surprise for me and all my mind could go think was ‘YES LORD, it was about time’. I went through the day’s work with high expectations, even humming while working with a smile on my face. Finally, my dream was coming true and through. I had started thinking of what to wear for our dinner date later in the night and had gisted my closest colleague about it. I had grown tired of my Job already and was just waiting for the right moment to tender my resignation, this was it! I drafted my resignation letter and made up my mind to drop it at the end of the month so I could get my full salary and give advanced notice.

I closed early from work, went home to take a shower and relax a bit before hubby got home. He came in about 30mins after me, showered and we went out. I was nervous throughout the meal but I calmed down enough to enjoy the meal. I found out what the surprise was in the course of the meal and my heart sank. He had been offered permanent employment with full fringe benefits at an international medical practicing organization. To say the least, I was very happy for him but what about my dreams of going out of the country and furthering my career as well? So I put it to him straight and asked how this news was going to affect our plans to settle abroad and I got the shocker of my life. He looked at me and told me he had never discussed or had plans of settling outside the country. From that moment, I lost my peace. Confusion set in immediately.

Unmet Expectations.....1

When I met Ariise, he was everything I wanted in my man, maybe a bit too much. So I was going into the relationship with a lot of expectations which I felt should just play out in the course of the relationship. Some of the expectations I had was being a Canadian citizen. Call me crazy but I believe everyone goes into a relationship with expectations of what they expect their partner to do for them either for selfish reasons or otherwise. For me, I had always dreamed of settling down outside the country, pursuing my Pharmacy career in the advanced world, getting certified as a true professional with many years of research and I was determined to follow through to my dream.

 

You see I had a rough childhood and I grew up seeing my mum’s career die because she was trying to please her husband and cater for the children. I believed my dad wasn’t encouraging her and that was always causing issues between both of them, eventually she had to let go to become a full house wife and started selling provisions.

A VERY CLOSE SHAVE 2.....

The next day, I didn’t pick Thomas’ calls and I guess he started getting worried, he sent me text messages but I didn’t respond, I wanted to get my acts together before seeing or talking to him. About 3 days later, we agreed to meet again and I voiced out my discomfort at the kiss we shared. He apologized and told me it would not happen again, so things went back to normal, but it didn’t take long before I realized my affection for him was growing by the day and I couldn’t control it. If I didn’t hear from Thomas in a day, then the day wasn’t perfect for me. So during one of my confessions with our parish priest, I opened up to him and told him all there was to know. It affected me so bad, that during mass, my mind just keeps screaming Hypocrite, so I sought refuge from our parish priest during my confessions. He recommended me for a counselling session and I started attending.

A VERY CLOSE SHAVE....

He has stopped calling and chatting me up, I should be happy after all this is what we both wanted, though we have tried this cutting of communication once and it didn’t work, I can’t help feeling this time it will work. Okay, I guess a part of me didn’t really want US to end but hey this is back to reality, I’ve got kids and a husband to look after.
 
I never ever thought my relationship with Thomas will go this far, in fact with my strict upbringing, I never imagined I wou

ld indulge in any extramarital affair no matter how drop dead handsome the guy is, but I have come to realize that the reasons a lot of married people engage in extramarital affairs has more to do with the ‘space’ the other person fills in their lives than their looks. We get so carried away by what our spouse does not do for us and warm up to the other person giving us attention in that area of need and that was how my relationship with Thomas started.

I wish all the marriage seminars and classes I attended prepared me for this new phase of my life and how to handle it, but I had to take each day as it comes, fighting a lot of emotional battles between what should be and what not and so much. I met Thomas at a friend’s birthday party I attended with my husband, I just noticed something special about him and somehow fate brought us together and we started talking, he met my husband and we kept in touch after that and became good friends. At that time he wasn’t married, so we were not so close. As a Christian, I was careful to keep him at arm’s length as I didn’t want any male attraction that would deviate me from my well brought up knowledge of how my marriage should run. He got married along the line and I relaxed my defenses a bit thinking since he is married, we could have an easy, free flowing friendship without any intentions coming in.
 
However, our closeness started after a chat one day when I asked him to ask me any question. He asked what I thought about him and I, not being one to spoil a good mood, went on telling him how nicely mannered and cautious I thought he was. He is not a bad looking guy and I told him that too. He then asked if I have ever done anything naughty before and I was quick to warn him not to be deceived with my demure look, we got talking about all sort of married stuffs and we got carried away. One thing I learnt in this is that being married does not mean I am immune to the opposite sex’s charms especially when there is an area of common interest. Where was my husband in all of this? Well, he was having his fair share of female attention too and he was getting closer to my kids than to me.

Let's talk about SEX!

Back to sex in marriage, try not to get over familiar with your partner's body, if not you'd see sex as boring and monotonous. Be creative with ideas and know what turns your spouse on. Wifeys, please discard that 1900s nightgown your mum bought for you as a wedding gift and surprise your spouse with some eye popping night wear. Let him always have something to look forward to when coming home. Dudes, please nah, stop wearing the boxers you've been wearing for almost three days now,it's a complete turn off, the smell of freshness gives the head a tingling sensation, even if she wasn't in the mood before, that alone can set the tone. If you got a package that's shabbily wrapped and one that was beautifully wrapped, which would you choose? 

SHARE....LOVE....TRUST

Having spoken to variety of married people, one thing I have come to realize is that a lot of us are trying to get ourselves occupied with other things outside marriage. Majority of married women now live a routine life, especially those that have been married for a while. Wake up, prepare for work, hustle through the day, get home prepare dinner, and then we are just too tired to SHARE a decent conversation of how the day went with our spouse. I must admit that recently, the toll of couples trying to beat this system is on the increase but those being weighed down by it too are also increasing. I am sure those trying can say that it hasn't been easy; because of this a lot of US are just living through our marriages.

Can you honestly say that at least once in a month you and your partner take time out for heart to heart talks? Bothering issues at work even issues that subtly threaten your marriage? Some of us have forgotten to LOVE, we just live for the next day.

Do you really have the mind it takes to be married?

Sometimes I wish there are ways you can totally express how you feel inside to your spouse, but like a wise mentor recently said ‘If you express everything on your inside, your marriage may not last long’ and I kind of truly agree with him. It’s sad that most people especially females have retreated into their self because they’ve been given the tag NAG, just because they decided to express themselves.

Some elderly good people once said as a wife, you live for your children not for your spouse and if you take a good look around, you will notice that’s gradually becoming the trend. Some women have seen their friends go from happy to laid back in their marriages and have decided that they would rather be single moms, others try to share what they are going through in their marriages, but when they hear from others, they just keep mum.

My FOREVER Best Friend....

It was just one Saturday morning, I was going about my official duties at work. I had just finished attending to a customer and was filing away a complaint on his behalf when this elderly man walked up to me. He wanted to pay for his postpaid line, he also wanted to roam his line because he was travelling for Hajj, he was filling his request form when he abruptly looked up and stared at me, then he asked with a smile, 'How long have you been married?, I answered '3years sir'..., he smiled again 'any kids? I answered 'just one sir' by now he got me wondering where the conversation was heading. Then he said to me 'Whatever you do, make your husband your best friend, don't hide anything from him no matter how bad, friends will come and go but only your true love will stand by you'.